February 24, 2006
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Call Your Folks
I just watched “The Notebook” for the first time and now I’m in a funk. I can’t sleep and had to get these thoughts out on paper or xanga (virtual paper) at 5 am. I put the movie in the same category that I’ve always put “A League of Their Own” and “Titanic“:
A good movie – But gets me majorly depressed about getting old.
The films above follow the characters in their prime – While they’re young, good at what they do, in love, filled with ambition, etc. Then the movies find the characters at the end of their lives — revealing how relationships ultimately played out, which dreams were achieved and which weren’t.
“
The Notebook” got me thinking about my Grandfather (who passed away in September) and recalling how young he looked in his military pictures when he fought alongside Chiang Kai-Shek. How strong and vibrant he was when starting to raise a family. And how towards the end of his life, that family eventually spread to different parts of the world and only two of them were able to be at his bedside in the final hours. I wondered what was he thinking in his final moments — about his journey, family, if he achieved everything he set out to do in life?
And then it got me thinking about my daughter. And made me wonder: When will she start going her own way? When will this little girl that currently squeals with delight at the sight of her parents in the morning; one day not see us with wide eyes? When 
will she start picking up on our short-comings? See her dad being not as big as she remembered? When will the goofy things I do to make her laugh, one day embarrass her in front of her friends? And as she inevitably moves on with her busy life, when will the phone calls and visits get more and more infrequent?
We all know how it plays out because we all contributed to it in some manner while growing up: One day, whoever raised you wasn’t so infallible anymore. Your Dad, all of a sudden not the hero you once held in your eyes. Asking Mom to drop you off a block out of eyesight from the friends you’re meeting. Your significant other at college knowing more about you than the parentals.
It’s why Harry Chapin’s song, “Cat’s in the Cradle“, resonates such a familiar tone with us
(find a copy and take a listen if you’ve yet to hear it – if you don’t get a little choked up, you’re part robot).
I know it’s part of an inevitable circle of life and in order to grow, developing independence is a must. But it sucks thinking about being on the other end someday.
The only thing I know I can already answer when my eyes finally do close, is the question I wondered about my Grandfather – If he achieved everything he’d set out to do in life. And for me, that would be a definitive “Yes” — because everything from here on in, is just the cherry on top.
Damn “chick-flicks” — makin’ me all reflective and crap.
Comments (28)
the notebook is the bestest… i was sobbing like a lil’ girl
i think every parent worries about what you expressed. but i think depending on the nature of your relationship with your daughter, and considering that you are thinking about this now, i think even when the blinders are off and she sees you as a person and not just dad, she will love and respect you more for being a human being because eventually she will realize you are just doing your best to do right for her wellfare – even if you make mistakes on occasion or you don’t understand each other at times.
i know that’s how i feel about my parents. and i think in any relationship – if someone understands you i think that’s just as important as the facts of their life.
and your daughter is SO cute. heh.
that’s why I don’t think so much about life. Just live it
Jim Caple of ESPN is covering the Olympics and he put out a story of covering 7 events in a day.
One quote by an Americna snowboarder, Tyler Jewel really stuck out. “if you don’t get going, you’ll be too old to do all the things you want to do. You’re not going to be able to do all the stuff you want.”
If you wnat to be able to look back in your old age and say what your grandfather would say, you just have to reach out and grab it. And you, Parry, are doing just that. Good for you.
A League of Their Own will forever be one of my most favorite movies. Guilty Pleasures R Us, huh?
you went for you dream, whether you win or lose is no longer that important.
and your daughter, if you listen to her, when she speaks, she ll keep calling you. i am a daughter too, and i always wished my parents listened.
you’re daughter is darling!
i love the movie, but check out the book. it’s better! one of my faves. and ur daughter is a cutie!
omg.. can she be any cuter??
haha, i wrote about chick flicks after my gf made me watch The Notebook too!
http://www.xanga.com/Chiznarles/432790289/item.html
She is ADORABLE!!!
Wow….now YOU got me all depressed now…
Having your children admire you when they’re young, then hate you when they’re in their teens….we should all go thank our parents RIGHT NOW!!
aww :]
it’s good to be reflective and crap.
your daughter looks like you =) and i loooove the notebook. it doesn’t get me depressed about being old but makes me wonder if i’ll ever find love like that. I mean, me and my husband are doing great and still are in love w/ each other but nothing compared to allie and noah. anyway, i’m sure ur grandfather was and is proud of his whole family before he went. sounded like he built a strong and healthy family and who wouldn’t be proud of that accomplishment?
Well, maybe to perk your mood up, you should go watch Requiem For A Dream.
Trust me, it’s the same with my son too.
I wonder when will he start going to church and go ‘HOLY CRAP, DADDY LOOKS LIKE SATAN’
Oh well…that’s life….
From what I learn, kids hate their parents usually in their teens, but they will grow out of it. The trick is that despite everything, you are still there for your kids, knowing when to give them their space and all. Cause your child is just going to be an opposite reflection of you. Consider this, when my kid was young, he had great fun saying ‘Goddamnit’ in church (my ex-wife turned Christian one day) and his first song he learned was Depeche Mode ‘Personal Jesus’.
Now, he is a good boy, turn all Christian. Thinks god is da bomb. Which is good I guess. Maybe if you turn a satanist…hahahahahha
Parry, all these things are bound to happen with Avery. But also remember that in a few year after those arkward teenage years, she’ll be back appreciating you even more so than before.
The Notebook is one of my favorites! And your daughter is so adorable! And yes, after having my son, I now know what my parents went through, the early stages at least. But not that I wasn’t close to my parents before, but even a lot closer now.
lol. making me depressed too…
This kind of reflection on the accomplishments in your life were definitely suggested by Titanic but not so much so (for me) from The Notebook. You’re right. It’s amazing how that chick flick that makes single girls like me be bitter/sad/hopefully to find One Big True Love can also make even a married guy like you think about things. Thank you for presenting it in such a way.
I can watch the Notebook over and over! So sappy but so moving.
awww
yeah… i hate thinking about the future like that…
i remember listening to my friend sing that song for the school choir and i think that ws the first time i actually listened to the words… it did make me choke up. and about getting older…. you grow wiser… when you’re young everything is done in a whim… but embrace what will come.. i bet you’ll enjoy it and be proud.
not gonna happen. ur the coolest dad ever! haha.
Overall, I didn’t find “The Notebook” depressing. I thought it was inspirational because it was basically saying that if something is real it’s going to exist no matter what. No matter how hard you try to change, forget, or rationalize something (for instance they rationalized they shouldn’t be together due to circumstances), it doesn’t matter. People can change but instinct and feelings don’t. In the end they win. It teaches you to have faith in whatever you believe in.
The only part I did find depressing was the part about alzheimers because that is eventually going to happen to everyone. I’ve worked with the elderly and let me tell you it doesn’t matter who you are now. Age effects everyone the same. There comes a certain time when your body ages beyond repair and there is nothing you can do about. Everything fades. So make the best of what you got now while you still can.
Was it Harry Chapin or Cat Stevens? I know I have the Cat Stevens version… Also check out Carole King’s “Child of Mine” (not to be confused w/ the Guns N Roses song) - my husband and I have already decided that it will be the lullabye for our (yet to be born) child.
have Kelly Hu contact info?
the thought of my parents comes across my mind very frequently these days. especially growing up in an asian family, now i wonder how to express my appreciation and love to them when showing it physically or verbally never existed before. it feels awkward yet i want to say it or hug them so badly. hmm…
aah your post made me sad also. and thoughtful as well. damn parry shen posts! makin me all reflective and crap =p
the movie didn’t make me sad or as reflective as you got… i mostly was inspired to believe in true love that lasts forever… although it did make me think of my grandparents as well… but in a good way. like how they have passed away… but they spent almost their entire lives with one person and shared everything with them… i think they would say it was a life well spent. and even though their children may live far away from them, their children are happy and thriving, with children of their own and that in itself is a sense of accomplishment and happiness for any parent (or at least i think so!)
anyway, cute pictures! she is looking more on the white side now as compared to her infant pictures you had up. she still looks like you though =)