October 8, 2004

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  Before we start, let me just state that “Yes, I know I’m a geek”.  Wait, scratch that.  I mean, ”I know I’m probably going to be perceived as a geek”.   Because if I were ashamed, I wouldn’t post this in the first place, right? 

  
  

  I’ve always been a huge fan of comics, own a big collection, worked at Marvel and am extremely glad films like “Spider-Man” and “X-Men” are now doing the stories justice.  I think comics blended into my interest of films/TV because if you’ve ever read a comic, it’s very much story boarded like a movie.  Even the way the panels are drawn subconsciously changes the mood of the storytelling.  Anyway, no more justification.

  
  

  My wife and I are planning on buying a new house and we’ll be in this one for awhile.  Then it got me thinking all the things I’ve always wanted in my house if money were no object — which it is.  But if I were “Oprah Winfrey” rich, this is what I’d have commissioned & acquired immediately:

  
  

  1)  A beautiful office/library (like Anthony Hopkins’ in “Meet Joe Black“).  It would have a bust of William Shakespeare and when you flipped open his hinged head, a button would activate a bookcase to slide open – revealing two fireman poles.  (Like Adam West and Burt Ward’s in the 60′s “Batman” TV show.)  

  
  

  2) The poles would lead down at least 2 stories into the garage.  The garage wouldn’t look like the TV show’s underground cave but more like the “X-Men” ‘s garage with marble floors.   However, I still want the show’s secret cave entrance that is camouflaged by a retracting bush.   Anyway, stored down there would be the family car (Porche Cayenne), my personal car (Aston Martin Vanquish) and wife’s car (BMW 745i).  But my prized possessions would be:  The original 1960′s Batmobile and K.I.T.T. from “Knight Rider” complete with working gadgets/monitors on the inside and red “woo-woo” side to side LED thingy on the outside.

  
  

                                                                                

  
  

  Those two automobiles would be my first priority and then I’d maybe work on getting “The Dukes of Hazzard” General Lee and “Starsky and Hutch” Torino later.

  
  

  3) Going back into the office/library (although I’d have to figure out a way to get back up the fireman poles first) – housed in glass cases and lit by overhead spotlights would be replica props from various comics/films: Christopher Reeve’s Superman Cape, Iron Man’s Helmet, “The Rocketeer“‘s Helmet, Captain America’s shield mounted on a wall, the T100′s endo arm from “T2“, William Wallace’s “Braveheart” sword, Count Dooku’s “Attack of the Clones” lightsaber, broken pieces of Aragon’s Narsil sword and The One Ring both from “The Lord of the Rings” and Boba Fett Helmet.

  
  

  

  
  

  

  
  

  

  
  

   

  
  

   

  
  

   

  
  

   

  
  

  

  
  

   

  
  

   

  
  

   

  
  

   

  
  

  Now, I saw on the Net a lot of uber-dorks who have all this stuff in one room.  The key is to hang and light it in an elegant room; treating them like artwork and unlike a Dungeons & Dragons hermit would by cramming it into one room all nilly-willy.

  
  

  4) On the desk, I’d have a red phone under a glass cake cover reserved only for urgent calls.  The only people that would have the number would be my immediate family and agent.  And when I lift up the receiver, it automatically dials out to my local pizza joint that delivered the closest NYC tasting pies. 

  
  

  5) I’d also own a water fountain that dispenses Hawaiian Punch like in “Mr. Deeds“.  However, mine would trickle out Fruitworks Fruit Punch instead.

  
  

  6) The middle section of the grand staircase would lift open like a hatch just as ”The Munster’s” did where they kept their pet dragon ‘Spot’.   However in my home, it’d simply be for storage and/or the kid’s secret hideout.  A couple in Waxahachie, Texas actually built an entire replica of ”The Munster’s House” that included this feature.

  
  

  7) Then just random secret passageways throughout the house to use as shortcuts or escape routes like in “Webster”.  Your standard ‘fireplace that spins into another room/grandfather clock swinging open into a sub-basement/sliding wall panels leading behind a hung portrait so you can look through its eyes’ kind of stuff.   

  
  

  I don’t know when any of the above is going to happen though since I’m having trouble convincing my wife for a plain ‘ole pool table.  But mark my words, someday I will at least have that sliding bookcase and batpoles leading down to my current Acura TSX!

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